the scariest thing

OMG it has been a while since the last time i wrote my blog... just too much work, or too much procrastination....

I have been wondering what is the most scary thing on earth. When I was small I would definitely say darkness. I still remember I wouldnt go to the bathroom alone without my mum's company at night and I would be frightened by my own shadow. I always had a feeling that something would pop out right behind me.

As I grew up, my perspective changed. I was so afraid to lose. Erm.. it wasnt just about ranking in schools or competitions. I mean... I was afraid to lose face or lose some people's support. But i eventually found out that there's nothing to worry about because you could definitely learn something everytime when you lose. A loss can actually enrich your life in general. So losing is somehow not that scary as you can gain something at the same time.

I just found out what was the most scary thing. I think disillusions and disappointments are the worst things ever. Human beings are born to be optimists but unfortunately lives are meant to be harsh. No matter how much you expect from someone/something, you will just get disillusioned some time later. The first taste of disappointment is insanely bittter but then it becomes tasteless. Not because things get better, but just because you become more desensitized, indifferent and appathetic. Learn not to expect, does it sound too pessimistic? But i guess this is the best way to protect yourself...

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Lives are made up of pieces of memories, trivial or memorable, sweet or bitter.
Human beings are vengeful so bad memories are usually quite ingrained in our mind.
But it is very tragic if you let your sad memories occupy your life.

some good friends of mine sent me messages on Facebook. "how are you" and "I miss you". 3 words less than 10 letters. Though not long and detailed messages, they were powerful enough to make my day. I really wish I could give them a big hug...

WANDERLUSTTTTTTTT

I don't feel like I am particularly attached to any places, not even my home HongKong. I just want to travel, as much as i can, and leave my footprints around the world.

BERLIN -- how i love you

We talked about Berlin in my german class and I came to realize how i miss/love this place. My 23 days in Berlin were undoubtedbly the highlight in my year in Germany. Berlin is a city of creativity, a city of ruins and revival, a city where cultures and art flourish intensively...Berlin has a very special atmosphere and is incomparable to the rest of Germany. I showed a photo which was taken in front of the Brandenburger Tor to my class. I put this photo in my wallet in case I think of my time in Berlin. It is definitely my favourite city after HK(home is always the best anways...)






I went through a lot (specially emotionally) during my exchange last year and sometimes I was doubtful about whether taking an exchange year at 17/18 was a good idea because I was still at the stage of looking for self-identity. 17/18 is a turning point in anyone's life because people usually develop their standard of moral value and judgement at this age. I would say it is the most critical and crucial time in one's life because this set of morality might stay with you in your whole life (okay. people still change their values but this set of moral value sets a basis for your later development). It might have been better if I took an Uni exchange year instead of taking in during this critical age.

Even though there were many bad times last year, it was worth it because my 23 days in Berlin could outweigh all the unhappiness and tough times. You might wonder why I love Berlin so much and what I ACTUALLY did there. erm... basically I just hanged around with other exchange students and did some crazy stuffs. (chilling out with exchange students is always fun. i wish i could see all of them again before I die) went to a lot of meseums and tourish spots...there are still some reasons though...haha... People have been asking me why I chose Germany ( i guess most of the exchange students must have confronted this question). It is really hard to anwser actually because I don't want to make up some irrelevant reasons...I was a history student and spent 2-3 years studying modern world history. From WW1 to Cold War in particular. What interested me the most is that Germany was the key player throughout this period and I wondered why Germany was so influential in modern history and politics.(and Berlin is definitely a controversial city!!!) So... I went to Germany and experienced its culture as well as got to know their mentality.

I am not going to judge Germany here because my experience and cultural shock wouldnt do Germany justice. All in all, I am STILL glad that I went there because I think I become more outspoken and confident in what I believe in. Life is so interesting because you never know whether you've made the right decision until later. No matter what had happened and how tough the time had been, my time in Berlin made them worth. I still remember how excited I was when I arrived the main train station in Berlin...seriously, I am really envious of those exchange students living in Berlin... Berlin is not a pretty city like Paris or Prague and somehow it is still very worn out, but undeniably an awesome city in Europe. If you ever have a chance to travel in Europe, don't miss out Berlin!!

Berlin, Berlin, wir fahren nach Berlin!
Berlin, Ich liebe dich. Vielen Dank fuer alles....

First week

So... My first week of uni life is quite exciting and I quite enjoy it. The way univeristy works is soooo different from that of high schools. I think the most obvious thing is, people are more like individuals than a group of mates, and you might have a feeling that you are not so attached to anything or anyone. It is actually a good thing because you can just do whatever you wish to do and it is very flexible. There's no group pressure or anything, absolutely no.

I think many people might find that Uni life is very free, which is absolutely correct. It doesn't matter if you don't study hard because it only matters when you get back your GPA result.Lecturers are not going to chase after you for essays and it is only your loss if you don't prepare for classes as lectures are very fast paced.

I spent most of the time reading and basically all I have to do for my english classes is TO READ. 6 plays plus 10 books plus 8 films for one semester. It took me ages to finish The Beach Of Falesa, one of the short stories from South Sea Tales by Robery Louis Stevenson. I just couldn't indulge myself in the story, probably because of its theme and language. anyways...


I am glad that i started learning english since kindergarten because learning a language in a "formal" way is simply tedious. Learning a language is fun, but when it comes to the grammar part, you can imagine how mechanical the whole thing can be. I am having intermediate german classes 4 times a week but luckily only one hour for every class. Some months ago, I took a german course at Goethe-Institut. Once a week but 3 hours for every lesson. I liked my class but it was terrible to have a language lesson for 3 hours...To be honest, german is not my favourite. But since I have started it already, I am going to keep it up. I would love to have learned French or Italian.... They are so melodious....

The food at my residence is fantastic. A wide variety with heaps of vegetable. I especially like the salad here and I usually eat 2 bowls of vegetable every meal! Recently I am trying to switch to vegetarian meals because I don't feel like eating meat. But the problem is I LOVE SEAFOOD and fish is part of my life...anyways....

Coffee sucks here. It is watery and bitter in an abnormal way. I am thinking about buying a coffee machine because i believe a good cup of coffee can definitely cheer me up in the morning...
a book and coffee are always the best combination...



I am going to shop tomorrow at New Market, which is said to be the best place for shopping in the whole NZ (hope i wont get disappointed). There are certain items that i am looking for, see if I can find them there tomorrow orelse I might order them on American Apperal...

There will be a 2-week-easter-break in April and I start thinking about my plans. Hopefully I will go to Wellington and see more of NZ. People always say South Island is such a paradise...

I start loving this place.

Uni begins!!

Just a quick word, as i still have heaps to read for classes...

I have been here for more than a week and so far I am enjoying it. I am getting used to my new environment and lifestyle here. I was a bit worried that auckland would be quite boring for a girl like me but I was proven WRONG, since schoolworks seem to be quite demanding...

I am taking 2 english classes, german, ancient greek history and general math for this semester.Hopefully I will be eligible for international business next semester. English classes are quite interesting and we will study 6 plays and watch 8 movies (JESUS)in drama class. I had my global literature class just now and it was just an introduction about this course. Global lit sounds quite general in a sense, but when i read through all pages of the course outline, i found that the topics we are doing are actually quite meaningful and inspiring. They are about post-colonialism, hybridity and stuffs...... It makes me think of HK, because I do think HK is quite a mixture of the east and west.....And as a hongkonger, sometimes i do think my identity is rather abstract because when i am asked where I am from, i would immediately say HK, instead of China... But usually after some moments, I would wonder why I didn't simply say China. Erm... a result of british colonialism i guess??

gosh... i really should go back to my reading....hope to update soon!

Auckland, New Zealand

Three of my friends have been encouraging me to start blogging. So here we go! I actually got this blog 2 months ago but this is the first time I really get it started. Feeling excited but weird at the same time.

After a dreadful departure at the airport on 21/2, Sunday, I finally came to New Zealand. Had been thinking quite a lot when i was on the plane. It seems that the whole thing is so surreal. I was doubtful if i made the correct decision. I actually don't mind taking Alevel and studying in HK but somehow for some reasons I don't know precisely, I made it to New Zealand.I still believe this is the best i can make though.

I looked out of the window when the plane was starting to land and started comparing Auckland to HongKong. Auckland is so green and tidy. Houses are built in a rather regular pattern. They were not scattered at all. I guess it was the suburb of Auckland as I could hardly find any tall builings there.The houses looked so small from above and I wondered if they were cars....so I compared the size of a house to that of a tree and agreed that it was a house... the picture of Central suddenly appeared in my mind and I realized how I miss home...

Auckland is more or less the same as Sydney, i mean the general impression. A really blue sky, broad roads with heaps of trees on each side. I met two HK exchange students who study BBA and Sociology at CUHK when i was on the way to my residence.



I live in the international house of Auckland U, where food is provided (thankfully).A guy showed me the way to my room and it is just right next to the dining hall. I am really glad that I don't have too cook orelse I would either die of starvation or food-poisoning...I am just not so interested in cooking...There are quite a lot of New Zealanders and American exchange students living here and people are amazingly nice. So I tried to unpack my stuffs but ended up getting grumpy...


I texted Wendy, my good friend who was traveling in Auckland and decided to meet up at the entrance of Auckland U's library. It was pretty cool to see her in Auckland and I had a feeling that we were back to the old times when we were couchsurfing in Taiwan.It's summer now in NZ and it's pretty warm here. My eyes simply closed automatically when the sun was shining. I was so tired that I could fall asleep even when walking... Wendy came to my residence and helped me to sort out my stuffs. Thanks god that she was here orelse i could never have got it done! Then we went back to the city and had dinner.

A dreadful departure again.

I cried literally when Wendy kissed me goodbye. It isn't the first time that I live in a foreign land, that i get away from home, but this time I feel completely different. I remember I didn't even feel homesick in the first few weeks during my exchange in Germany 1.5 years ago. I expected a lot and was extremely excited when i arrived Frankfurt. My hostfamily picked me up in Goettingen and we drove back to Osterode am Harz, a little town where i lived when i was in Germany.The whole thing went rather smoothly and it just took me a day or two to get used to the environment.

But coming to NZ is simply different. I just can't imagine I will be living in Auckland ALONE in the coming 3-4 years. Usually I didn't have to care about if there were shampoo or shower gel in the bathroom as my mum would buy them, or I can simply tell my mum to buy stuffs for me and I never know how much they cost. Even when i was in Germany, my hostfamily would buy them. I came to realize how spoilt I am and I had taken many things for granted. I felt weak and helpless. Homesickness tortures me.

I guess people generally think that I am a tough person, as I might seem to be. But I am just layered in this way. Once when I get out of my comfort and safe zone, I am timid. It reminds me of animals. Animals are very alert of their surrounding when they are in an unfamiliar place. They are on nerves and are prepared to retaliate. I don't mean I am going to RETALIATE as nobody is hurting me. But I am definitely sensitive to everything.

I always think that language is such a magic. It always has the power to change somebody's mood dramatically. Homesickness was unbelievably overwhelming when I was reading some words from my two friends. They were not long letter, but triggered such a great emotional turmoil. I always know that my friends love me and I never question my position in their hearts. But I was still quite surprised when I knew how much my existence means to the people I truly care.

I remember a friend told me that homesickness would make people mature. I don't know if I mature a lot in these 3 days but i definitely realize how overprotected I used to be.

So that was my first day in Auckland.




Let's have a look at the two photos below.


The first one shows the building of Arts of Auckland U whilst the second shows Business School. They are located right next to each other and create a funny and ironic picture! The business school is obviously newly constructed and everything inside is newly furnished and glamerous while the building of Arts is rather shabby...

It reminds me of the importance of money and knowledge. I can never live without basic necessities, nor can i live without my soul. I value the latter one more actually.



This is the way how I packed my cello using bubble wrap. It looks more like a mummy!



By the way, I found that sending sms through Skype is so much fun. I sent some messages to a couple of friends and just couldnt stop it!